As a father of three at the age of 30, the commentary “Maybe baby: Torn between the joys and cries of motherhood” (Dec 23) resonated with me.

Fathers and mothers are different not only in their distinct and irreplaceable roles in their children’s growing-up years, but also in the different challenges they face in their parenting journey.

Motherhood continues to exact a larger cost from women due to both their biological realities and societal arrangements. Post-childbirth, mothers require more rest and time away from work to allow their bodies to recover and to adjust to the needs of their newborn. Workplace policies do well when they recognise this and allow women to be mothers without pressuring them over work.

However, more needs to be done to also address the concerns of fathers. One such concern is unspoken pressure on men to return to work as soon as possible after their wives deliver, often with the assumption that fathers are not crucial in a newborn’s life. This could be a reason why the uptake of the current two-week government-paid paternity leave has been less than ideal.

While the doubling of paid paternity leave does signal the Government’s commitment to help fathers prioritise their marriage and newborn, without a shift in attitudes from employers and society, the benefits could be undermined. 

The desire to be an involved father is not something that society should look down on. It should instead be cherished as a virtue. Fathers do not contribute to their families only through material provisions. They provide also through their presence, affectionate love for their wife and care for their children.

While biological differences mean different challenges and responsibilities, both fathers and mothers have to choose between time away from work and time away from their child; albeit in different ways and for different reasons.

For Singapore to tackle its fertility crisis, perhaps it is time for more conversations with young men to understand their aspirations and concerns about marriage and parenthood, rather than thinking of it as an issue for only women.

Lim Jun Bin