SINGAPORE - After nine years of multiple fertility treatments and procedures, a couple who have been married for 14 years are still waiting for a bundle of joy they can call their own.

Ms Josephine Foong, 38, and her husband said there was a period when they could not bring themselves to attend baby showers or children’s birthday parties.

“We just couldn’t bear seeing all the kids running around,” she said.

Ms Foong was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome in 2013, a condition where the ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens – male sex hormones that are usually present in women in small amounts.

Since 2014, she has tried oral medication Clomid, the artificial insemination procedure intrauterine insemination (IUI), and in-vitro fertilisation (IVF), all to no avail.

Hearing about other couples who successfully conceived via these treatments was tough for Ms Foong and her husband.

“Seeing those who manage to get their children, there was always a tinge of jealousy and disappointment in us,” she said.

According to SingHealth’s website, about 15 per cent of couples in Singapore, or about one in six, are unable to conceive within 12 months of trying for a baby.

In about 39 per cent of these cases, the cause is female infertility. In 20 per cent of the cases, it is male infertility, and in 26 per cent of the cases, the problem lies with both partners.

Ms Foong said she was lucky to be surrounded by supportive people all these years. “Our parents saw how tough it was for us in the process, so they do not push us or stress us for grandchildren.”

Ms Foong said that when her sister gave birth in 2022, there was no way she could avoid attending the baby shower.

“Her baby shower was the first I attended, and because it was my niece, the feeling was different.”

The couple also attended birthday parties of their close friends’ children.

“We can’t say we have overcome the pain, but we are not limiting ourselves to enjoy the joy of our friends,” she said.

For 40-year-old Kim Unwin, she started experiencing infertility only after giving birth to her two children.

“It took us three years of trying for (a third) child and a missed miscarriage to find out we had fertility issues. It was really a shock to the system because we never thought it would happen to us,” she said.

Speaking to The Straits Times ahead of National Infertility Awareness Week from April 23 to 29, Ms Unwin said her experience with secondary infertility made her realise the importance of having a support system while dealing with the issue.

“I didn’t realise how lonely the journey would be because you don’t really know who else is on a similar journey.”

She and a few others came together in 2020 to form Fertility Support SG, a support group for women facing fertility issues, to help others who were struggling. The group holds monthly meet-ups.

“We knew what was missing, and wanted to be able to create that for ladies or couples whom we knew would need that information and support,” she said.

The group’s website provides information such as detailed aspects of fertility treatments, and real-life accounts so women know what to expect while undergoing them.

After two IUIs, two IVF attempts, a major operation, and a number of frozen transfers over the last three years, Ms Unwin is finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel – she is due to give birth in May.

“I am thankful that throughout all this, my husband was with me, supporting me. My parents were also a great support even though they thought I was crazy for going through what I did to try for another child.”

She said the most important form of support when facing infertility is understanding.

“When a person hasn’t been through infertility, they will not truly understand the loneliness, the sadness, the self-doubt that are often felt on this journey,” she said.

“Every step of the way is an absolute challenge, and things can go wrong at any turn. Being able to get a certain level of understanding from those around us does make things a bit easier.”