SINGAPORE – During the Parliament debate earlier this week on a Bill that would double paternity leave to four weeks, among other changes, there were plenty of anecdotes from MPs and their residents.

One example cited by Ms Mariam Jaafar (Sembawang GRC) told of Woodlands resident Mr E, who works at a manufacturing plant, and his wife who works a nine-to-five job. They have four children in childcare.

“Every once in a while, one of the children will come back from school sick. And when one child gets sick, it is an inevitability that it gets passed onto one or more of the other children – and suddenly they are faced with having to keep the kids at home for three, four or five days a week. This happens three to four times a year,” Ms Mariam said. 

Since six days of childcare leave are typically used for the six days of planned annual school closures a year, parents like Mr E and his wife end up using a fair chunk of their annual leave to look after their sick children. 

The situation is more complex for families with special needs children who have greater needs; as well as for couples who are juggling caregiving duties for elderly parents, along with their own young ones, as Ms Mariam showed with real-life stories.

On Monday and Tuesday, 16 MPs – including long-time advocates for parenthood issues like Mr Louis Ng (Nee Soon GRC) and newly elected Nominated MPs like Mr Mark Lee and Ms Chandradas Usha Ranee – rose to speak on the Child Development Co-Savings Act, expressing their support for the changes.

They also highlighted areas where parents need more help. These include ensuring workplaces do not penalise parents for taking childcare leave, understanding why not all fathers take paternity leave, and having a tripartite standard for flexible work arrangements. 

Mr Ng called for childcare sick leave on a per child basis for all Singaporean families, which the civil service already provides. 

A mother who wrote to him recently said her young child constantly falls ill, and has been hospitalised twice for pneumonia and acute bronchitis. 

Experiences like hers illustrate the necessity of allowing parents time off to look after their children when they are unwell, Mr Ng said.

Otherwise, parents have little choice but to continue sending their children to school – even when they are not completely well – resulting in a cycle of more children getting infected and spreading viruses. 

These stories are by no means unique. They are glimpses of the daily challenges and trade-offs in many families with young children, especially when both parents are working full-time. 

The latest enhancements to support parenthood, announced in February by Deputy Prime Minister Lawrence Wong, go some way towards providing parents some relief. These include the doubling of government-paid paternity leave to four weeks and unpaid infant care leave to 12 days from Jan 1, 2024.

Parents also get $3,000 more in the Baby Bonus Cash Gift, and enhanced government co-matching contributions to the Child Development Account for eligible children born on or after Feb 14, 2023.

But financial perks can only go so far to support parents – the proof in the pudding is in their lived experiences.  

The struggles and responsibilities of parenthood extend well beyond the first year of a child’s life, outside the time frame for maternity and paternity leave. This can stretch for years, if there is more than one child. 

Is Singapore made for families? 

Given the prevalence of dual-income families, as well as the increasing demands and costs of raising children, many parents find themselves torn between the expectations of work and home. 

Circumstances during the Covid-19 pandemic – when offices were closed and remote work became the norm – exposed the truth that raising young children is a round-the-clock affair.

It is not, as most think, just a personal choice or private family matter that should not interfere with job responsibilities.

An oft-cited quote about being a working mother sums it up: We expect women to work like they don’t have children, and raise children as if they don’t work. 

It is no wonder that families are having fewer children, if at all, despite marriage and parenthood surveys showing Singaporeans still aspire to have children. 

The larger sentiment underpinning all those dilemmas faced by parents is, in essence, a desire for change in the way parenting is perceived, understood and supported. 

Already, some parents face subtle pressures and discrimination from employers and co-workers when they take time off for family, even though childcare leave is hardly a mental or physical break.

They get frowned upon when they request flexi-work accommodation, and find themselves scrambling for last-minute caregiving arrangements when the little ones fall sick. 

The expectations of modern parenting make life harder, with social media contributing to the tendency to compare each other’s parenting journeys, and constantly look over one’s shoulders and wonder if one is doing enough. 

Is Singapore really made for families? Some say the country is made more for work, with overtime and a culture of busyness and burnout the norm for many. 

What would really move the needle in supporting parents and – one can hope – nudge the Republic’s total fertility rate up, after it fell to a historic low of 1.04 in 2022?

Much ink has been spilled over Nordic countries’ generous parental leave structures. Closer to home, countries like South Korea and Japan are also pulling out all the stops to try and arrest their dwindling birth rates. 

The South Korean government is pushing to guarantee up to 18 months of parental leave for each parent when both are working. This is up from 12 months currently. 

In June, Japan announced plans to double childcare spending by the early 2030s, from about 4.7 trillion yen (S$43 billion) now. The raft of measures include boosting subsidies for small and mid-sized companies that offer “support allowances” to co-workers who cover for colleagues on childcare leave.

But figures from both countries show that not all parents, in particular fathers, dare to utilise their leave entitlements, for fear that it would dent their job prospects.

More time off is a starting point, and parents will certainly appreciate any increase in time they can spend with their children. But solutions to resolving the tensions between the spheres of work and family will have to be more comprehensive.

Both workplaces and families need each other. They need to trust each other and understand each other’s needs, for Singapore to truly have a pro-family culture and a pro-business stance. Productivity and morale increase when people have time for their personal lives.

This means rethinking what it takes to produce good work. Flexible working styles must become the norm rather than the exception, so that individuals who choose such arrangements are not hampered in their careers, so long as they continue to pull their weight. 

It is not just a matter of legislation and guidelines, but ensuring that employers walk the talk, and addressing the larger structural issues that force people to choose between work and family. Parents should not be left to figure this out on their own, and feel guilty when they can’t make it work. 

As Ms Mariam pointed out, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, as different industries need customised solutions for workers who face different constraints. 

This will take more effort but it’s necessary if Singapore is serious about finding creative and practical ways for parents to work – from those doing more “hands-on” work to knowledge professionals. 

Perhaps then it would be slightly easier for people to raise children and build careers, and not lose out either way.